Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The beginning

Well as odd as this sounds, I got the idea from my cousin to try this out. Basically I'm going to use this as a daily journal. I'm going to rant, rave, share my success and failures, and my journey through this lifestyle change.

First off, I'll tell you a little of my history. Im 31 years old. I have battled an eating disorder since I was about 16 years old. Back then I was as thin as a rail. I had anorexia. I didn't eat and constantly thought I was fat. I weighed a whole whopping 98 pounds soaking wet standing 5'4". not a good number. As the years went on, and three kids later, I've gained a lot of weight. I hate how big I've gotten. Absolutely hate it. I now battle binge eating disorder. I can literally eat and not fell full. Not a good thing since I will eat until I purge. I've learned to control it and I watch my portions. It's some type of chemical imbalance in my brain.

I did really well with getting back on track and becoming healthy again once I had my third child, but then my grandfather passed away. I freaked. I stopped watching my weight and the scales rose. A year later my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We found out two weeks before Christmas last year. I spent the last year taking care of him til this past August. He passed away two days after my son turned six. I shut down and ran on auto pilot. I still feel like I am times. then my oldest son asked me why I was so fat. Wow, that was harsh, right? Guess I hadn't paid attention. I had ballooned to my highest weight yet again. Then I seen a picture of myself. Omg. I hate it. We aren't suppose to be ashamed of our bodies but I totally am.

After all this, I decided to join Weight Watchers. I've been on the program a week. I've lost 6.6 pounds so far and I'm loving it. The points, to me, are like a game. If I want something, I can have it. I can make bargains, workout more, or save my points. I know it sounds weird, but so far it's working good.

I seem to be struggling with the working out. I love the gym, but I'm embarrassed of my weight. So my alternative is getting my butt kicked by my kids on the Wii playing Just Dance 3. I'm having a blast and I know it's going to wear out but hopefully this helps out til I can motivate my big butt to go back to the gym and climb on the dreaded treadmill before I do my weights.

I don't have an ultimate goal yet but I'm hoping to lose at least 80 pounds this year. I have many "mini" goals that have set along the way to help me succeed. My first goal is to lose 5% of my starting weight which was 241.6. Scary right?

1 comment:

  1. Great job, Tress! I am proud of you! And 241 is not near as scary as almost 300, I promise! My starting weight is 296. That is 2 pounds from my heaviest weight. You have to go to the gym for you, not what other people will think of you. If I didn't go because of what I thought other people think, I would not step foot in one....Love you, we can do this thing!