Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I haven't really been measuring my body but decided since I hit one of my milestones that I should probably go ahead and do that. So I took my measurements. Wasn't excited about that at ALL. However, I have noticed some major changes in my body. One, I can bend over and tie my shoes without feeling like the air has been knocked out of me. Yeah, I wasn't that big but it still felt that way. Two, I am getting curves back into my body that I haven't seen in a while and I'm no longer shaped like an apple!!! My waist is starting to show and I can tell my tummy is getting narrower. I am worried about my inner thighs and that spot under your arm pits. I know this sounds wierd and over the years I've picked up a lot of useless information, but anyways, those are two places that moms who breastfeed store extra fat to make milk. Yes, I breastfed all three of my kids and for some reason, I never stopped making milk. Yes, that is way to much of an overshare but it explains why it is harder for me to lose the extra fat from those places. I'm hoping that those places will trim down once my body has decided that I'm kicking it back into shape regardless on if it wants to go or not. :P
I'm really enjoying Zumba. I have been doing the classes between three and five times a week. There are different teachers each night so the routine is always different. Then to top that off, every six weeks, they change the routines completely so your body never really has time to adjust. I love dancing so getting into this is really helping. On the nights I don't have Zumba, I have been walking or doing cardio in the gym. I haven't really been lifting weights these last two weeks because my scheduale got a bit hectic on the days that I had planned too. :( I'm going to try and remedy that this week at the gym!! The older two kids have decided they want to go back to the gym so they go and play basketball or run while I'm doing Zumba. Its great knowing that they kids are doing something healthy and maybe it will stick with them.
The kids really see me struggle with my weight. Its like a love hate relationship. I LOVE food way too much and my cousin has said many times that our family revolves around food most times. If we get together, we eat. It doesn't mean that I can't get together with them, it just means that we are going to bring healthier choices for our dish and hopefully choose healthier things to eat too!!! I don't want my kids to grow up and struggle constantly. I want them to realize that exercise doesn't have to be grueling if they figure out that once you reach a good weight, you just have to maintain and not let it spiral out of control.
The kids never seen me binge and never will. It was something that I was totally good at hiding. I'm not sure many people ever seen me eat because I was so ashamed to eat. If I ate, I felt like a pig so I would always eat small amounts in front of people but behind closed doors was a whole other story. It was nothing to polish off a box of Swiss Cake Rolls in one night, or eat the pan of brownies right out of the oven. I never realized I was full until I was too full. Its an aweful feeling. When I feel like I'm hungry, I eat but I eat slow. I concentrate on what I'm doing. Once I see my plate is empty, I tell myself I'm full even if I'm not. My body doesn't know full. I'm on the wrong wave length when it comes to that which is why I was diagnoised with the eating disorder. Some chemical imbalance that causes my body not to send the message to my brain saying Im full. So I get to teach myself how to do that. Sounds weird doesn't it?? I know I haven't really opened up much about it but I really hate talking about it. Its hard to. I'd rather say I just overeat instead of saying I'm defective. Yeah, it really feels that way. I know its something I can overcome with God and willpower, but it still sucks. Its not something I really enjoy or even want to deal with.
This is a turning point for me. I'm really on my way. I'm doing it and I'm not quitting. I'm not giving up. I'm going to get through it. One step at a time!!!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
It seems like forever since I've posted. Lifes gotten a bit hectic. My grandma has been back in the hospital and gotten out. I'm feeling a bit depressed. I'm trying to kick it but it seems like it keeps pulling me down this last week. Not sure what is the cause.
"Depression isn't a sign of weakness. Its a sign that you've been to strong for too long".
I'm finding I'm eating more than is necessary. Not over eating by any means, but eating more than normal. I'm thinking its bcauseim trying to compensate for something but it feels like I'm going out of control. I'm still under my points for the days but its becoming hard. Guess its going to be the first bump in the road. I wish I could kick it quick.
I ddnt make I to he gym this weekend but I did a little. Yesterday I kicked te gym to the side, did a few errands, and went home & spent the afternoon with my kids. I kinda regret not going. :( I'm going to go to Zumba tonight and hopefully get a kick butt workout in. I'm debating trying to climb stairs. I've got a place to do it but I'm so scared of my knee going out on me.
So far my knee has been good to me and hasn't given me too many fits. Biofreeze has been able to help whatever pain I've had. I'm surprised with all the crap it has given me in my past. God has been good to me!
I'm a bitsdisappointed in my weight loss for this week but I guess I've expected more. I've been trying so hard. I keep reminding myself that I didn't put it on overnight, and I'm not going to lose it over night. I'm down 21 pounds in 7 weeks. Not too bad really but was really hoping to be more. Just going to have to step it up more. Life at home isn't helping with this. I feel like I'm constantly moving & constantly tired. Tryin to find the correct balance so that this is a permant change. I know going to the gym makes me feel better and I'm in a better mood but I don't always want to go. It has become the habit but it doesn't mean that I don't struggle with myself to get my butt to the gym. When I struggle with going, I try to think of how loose my clothes are getting, how my face is thinning out, how I can see more curves in my body. These things motivate me. yes, they seem silly but it works.
Hope everyone has a great day!